So.  Putting aside for a moment the current drama, family and big decisions and all that…  I just wanted to take a few minutes to tell you that I am so glad you were here last week.  Whatever else may happen, or not happen, the time we spent together was really wonderful, and I feel so lucky to have shared all of that with you.

I am sorry that I cried last night when we were talking.  I know that the current state of affairs is hard for you and the last thing I want is to make it harder in any way.  It is just so frustrating to see you so upset and be unable to hold you and kiss you, growl and nibble you to make you smile, let you rub my belly for stress relief.  ^_^

And I have to admit that the idea that our time together could be limited to a handful of all-too-brief visits is rather painful.  You are wearing my collar, and the feral part of me says that you are mine and you belong with me.  You are wearing my collar and I should be there to pull on it and make you melt into my arms.  But aside from that, god, there are too many things we need to do together, too many things I want to experience with you, and the thought that we may not get to do them truly saddens me.  But mostly, I just like the idea of being with you, spending more time with you, kissing you and touching you and looking into your beautiful eyes, seeing your lovely smile in all its many permutations.  Maybe I’m a romantic fool or something, but I just feel so strongly that we should spend more time together, making each other laugh, making each other come, sharing experiences and explorations and all of that good stuff.  And like you said to me, I want to see you happy, and I want to share that happiness with you.  And I think you might be perfect or at least perfect for me, and I am addicted to kissing you.

But I’ve gotten off track.  I really just wanted to say that I feel incredibly lucky that you asked me to be your first and I am so glad you came to PA.  I am so glad that we spent that time together, so very glad that I have been able to know you and love you and be loved by you.  And I want to thank you for all of it, and for trusting me, for being completely fabulous and giving and open.  You’re the shiz, Petey Pie.  Srsly.  I’m so happy for the time we had together and here’s hoping there will be a hell of a lot more of it to come.


In exactly one week, we will be face to face.  I will be able to reach out and touch you, see you with my own eyes.  Holy carp.

Come on closer
I wanna show you
What I’d like to do
You sit back now
Just relax now
I’ll take care of you

Hot temptations
Sweet sensations
Infiltrating through
Sweet sensations
Hot temptations
Coming over you

Gonna take it slow babe
Do it my way
Keep your eyes on me
Your reaction
To my action
Is what I want to see

Rhythmic motion
Raw emotion
Infiltrating through
Sweet sensations
Hot temptations
Coming over you

And now you’re satisfied
A twinkle in your eye
Go to sleep for ten
And anticipating
I will be waiting
For you to wake again

Hot temptations
Sweet sensations
Infiltrating through
Sweet sensations
Hot temptations
Coming over you

[When you wake up we’ll
do it all again]
[When you wake up]
[When you wake up we’ll
do it all again]
[When you wake up]

Hour after hour
of sweet pleasure
After this I guarantee
you’ll never wanna leave
Shut your eyes and think about
what I’m about to do
Sit back relax I’ll take my time
this lovin’s all for you

I keep fantasizing about kissing you.  Such a seemingly simple thing, but so delicious and fraught with possibilities.

Over and over I imagine what our first embrace will be like.  Will it be in the airport when I go to pick you up?  Holding the silly sign I’ll make with your name on it, like something in a movie?  I imagine waiting for you outside the terminal, the moment when we will lay eyes on each other for the first time – the warm shock of recognition, of strangeness to see slight differences from the way we look on camera.  Will I rush toward you for a hug or wait for you to approach me, bouncing on the balls of my feet in excitement?  More often I imagine us walking toward each other, almost slow motion, slightly shy, sheepish smiles on our faces.  Embracing, almost awkwardly, but melting into each other all the same.  Turning my face to nuzzle into your neck, breathing in your scent and reveling in the textures of your skin, your hair, your body beneath your clothes, your breath in my ear.  Backing away just slightly to look you in the eye, smile, and finally, finally touch my mouth to yours.  Gently, sweetly at first, feeling the softness of those luscious lips I’ve been ogling so much of late.  Passion rising almost immediately, after months of waiting and wanting… pressing myself against you, your arms tightening around me and your hands maybe lightly squeezing my softness.  After an endless moment, we will part, both breathing heavily.  Will we smile wryly at one another?  Will I put my hand to your face and look longingly into your eyes?  Will we kiss again, an irresistible compulsion, standing there in a crowded airport snogging like horny teenagers?

Perhaps a hug will be all that we do in that moment, shy boy that you are.  Maybe our first kiss won’t be until later, in our hotel suite, the way that you wrote about it in your letter to me.  Alone in that room, we will approach each other languidly, knowingly, months of frustrated arousal charging the air between us.  Will there be a shock of electricity when our lips meet for the first time?  How quickly will it turn entirely carnal, both of us overwhelmed by lust?  I can never decide how I want it to be, slow and sweet, or raging and feral..  I am sure we will experience interludes of both.

I also imagine kissing you when we arrive at my apartment on your first night in Pennsylvania, alone together for the first time..  I would pull you in the door by your shirt, press you against the wall with my body, feel your erection against my belly and go wild with the lust of it all.

Oh, but I also imagine lying in bed with you, late night or early morning, snuggling and softness and gentle kisses full of tenderness and sweet delight.  Knowing we have all the time we need, in our own little private world…

And then there’s the scenario you described last night..  I can picture it so clearly…  here in my living room, approaching you slowly, knowing smile on my lips..  moving in close to you, almost stalking, until you back into the couch..  I’ll push you down onto it, gently, firmly.. I’ll follow you down, straddling your legs, pressing you into the cushions with the weight of my body.  I’ll kiss you then, brushing my lips against yours, sweetly and slowly at first, but with building passion and intensity.  Oh, I want to do that for hours, savoring every sensation, just kissing you, luscious and hot and wonderful…

Christ, overthinking much yesterday.

All my worries about Jenn, and things being complicated, and not wanting to be around for certain things.. forget about that.  ‘Cause it’s all good, baby.

I think I was more overtired than I realized, and I do tend to get pessimistic and confused when I’m too tired.  Forgetting that things really can be simple and lovely and that with such awesome people involved, it’s bound to turn out great.




come explore my dark hunger
kiss me angel
quench this wild flame fever
touch my cheek
beautiful boy
burn with me
sweet soul dance
all joy soft and warm