just 12 hours…

About 12 hours from now, I’ll be in Jersey.  I am really looking forward to the weekend.  This will be the first sex/kink event I’ve ever been to with a partner.  Hell, this is the first event where I’ll know even one other person there.  

Being female might get in the way of some of the hoped-for debauchery though, which is intensely, maddeningly disappointing.  Let’s hope for the best though, right?  And even if I can’t get everything I want, just kissing Xel, long and luscious and inappropriate in public..  that’s enough to make me want to get in the car and leave right now.  We’ll probably spend some time in the dungeon, too, which is so very exciting.  I’ve never topped in public before, and am very much looking forward to it.  Hell, I’m looking forward to topping him regardless of where. 

We’re going to need to talk a lot more though.  Xel has some potentially explosive issues that I’m going to have to tread very carefully around.  And he’s such a noob to bdsm, but so much more experienced than I am in just about every other arena.  Every time I ask him about kinky things he wants to try or experience, it’s always a cheerful, “I don’t know.”  It’s going to take real work to ferret out his motivations and find the buttons that will work.  I do love a challenge though. 

Oh, I want to make him cry.   I want to drive him crazy with passion and sensation and pleasure and pain.  I want to make him feel things no one else ever has.  I want to open him up and hold his beating heart in my hand, cradle it in my palm like a little broken bird.

 

looking forward

Can’t really write now, but just have to say how very much I’m looking forward to the upcoming weekend with Xel in NJ (ha, never thought I’d be excited to go to Jersey!).  Oh, the potential debauchery, how it makes my soul sing!

(It’s going to be odd going through the vendor area with Xel though, him being all anti-leather and me getting aroused by the smell of it, wanting to brush the tails of the floggers over my naked breasts and such.)

[It's upsetting that I haven't been able to coordinate schdules with Derek lately though.  Was hoping to see him before the long weekend away.  Still haven't had a chance to try out my homemade toys with him..]

 

I’ve been incredibly tired lately, can’t even remember the last day I felt really alert.  It’s almost all my own fault, of course.  Watching too much Doctor Who, going to bed too late.  There’s so much I want to write about here, but this could actually be the night I get a full eight hours of sleep.

Soon though, I’ll write a proper post very soon.

 

 

I did end up going to the party Saturday night, and am very glad I did.  The people were very cool, and there was actually socializing!  I didn’t sit in a corner by myself all night!  And I almost got to play a bit with someone. She left before we did anything, but there was mention of the next party though.   

At some point, I will be writing a real thoughtful post here.  I even have one in the works.  So tired lately though.  Need to sleep more.

 

a free Saturday

This is the first Saturday in 6 years that I’m not working or off doing something somewhere.  I was totally lazy, but couldn’t enjoy it, feeling all day like I should be doing something productive.  Even when I was being productive I still felt anxious or guilty.  Guess this whole weekend thing is going to take some getting used to.

Meh, my rsvp message from early afternoon isn’t showing up on the yahoo group for the play party tonight.  Dammit.  Party starts in less than two hours now.  It looks like I’ll be spending the evening with MJ, which isn’t such a bad thing, especially since she’s been all sweet and wanting to spend time together, and she was disappointed that I was gone last night.

She’s going to be home soon.. I think I’ll do some quick cleaning so she can’t tell what a lump I was all day…