an entry from my old diary:

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

This was posted on the forums at bondage.com (emphases mine):

lately, I have this violent, roaring fantasy, I call it my Annihilation Fantasy.

Its like this,

This time, I don’t want to submit. I want to fight back, I want to be fought, overpowered, and forced. I want to be fucking held down, beaten into it, taken, totally dominated. Beaten, chocked, fucked, sweaty screaming, held down, bruised and bloody, I want to say “no” (but mean “fuck yes!”) and I want to hear “too fucking bad” right back! Make me! Fucking make me!

There is just something so hot about being forced. Having your clothes ripped off, being held down, and trying honestly your hardest to resist. It becomes a game, “can I push him off?” “could I get away?” the fear becomes real, but just enough to make it exciting, because you know he would never REALLY hurt you… Maybe tied down, eventually, to free his hands for other things…

I want to be destroyed. Do you understand? Beat me till I cant move, fuck me till I bleed, take me and own me and do what you want with me, gag me, choke me, tell me I’m your slut, your fuck toy, make me feel it! When I moan no, I want to hear “Shut the fuck up”

Just take me and everything you want to do to me, want from me, want to see me become, and just fucking MAKE me.

That hidden, feral part of me knows exactly what she’s talking about.. only I want to be on the other side of it. I… can’t really find the words for it right now…

I want to be aggressive, violent… I want to see their eyes widen, hear “No!” and smile when I ignore it. I want to be pitiless and cruel and harsh. To fight and struggle and ultimately overpower someone and make them feel completely helpless and taken. Completely, soully, mine.