burnin’ luv

It was hot wax with Derek last night, for the first time.

I’ve had it done to me once or twice, and attended a workshop about it, but have never actually done it myself before. It was really a lot of fun, even though the candles I bought didn’t work nearly as well as I’d hoped. I used those glass pillar candles you find in the hispanic section of the grocery store - they’re supposed to be paraffin, which has a nice low melting temperature. That did seem to be true, but the wicks kept wanting to get lost, and the inside of the glass is all black now from pouring them while they were still burning. I guess I was supposed to blow them out first, oops. It did make a delightfully dangerous-seeming sizzling sound when I tilted them though.

Messing with him by alternating drips of hot wax and drips of ice water was also a good time. And flaking the wax off with the Big Scary Knife at the end - always a fun little mind fuck.

But wow, I want to get like 20 of those candles, and one of those paraffin wax baths. And a rubber room so I can get all crazy with it. All the pretty colors! And the gasping and moaning and swollen boy-parts! And the way he clung to me afterward.. *happy sigh*

 

Friday night

I got over the desire to maim eventually, and the boy did come over. With ice cream and iced tea, no less. And a dog bowl.

It was a delightful Friday night, after all.

I really am getting much better at this stuff. It only felt awkward for about a minute in the beginning, when I was trying to figure out how to begin, and a minute in the middle when I was trying to make the transition from service to play.

To start off, I had him strip and I took his clothes in exchange for a collar, which I locked onto his neck. It’s just a play collar, no special symbolism or anything, but it was the first time I’ve ever used a lock with it. Seeing that little padlock on the back of his neck and knowing the key was in my pocket, it gave me a little thrill that I hadn’t really expected. It almost felt like he was mine in a very real way, though I’m not exactly sure how I feel about that.

We played that he was my slave last night. My property, my personal servant. I had him sweep the floors and fetch things for me, bring me a drink and wash the dishes, among other things.

Reading that back, it sounds very silly, but it was great. I have long had fantasies of having a houseboy to clean for me, mostly because I hate doing housework. But sitting on the couch, sipping my drink and reading a novel while a devoted boy did menial chores in the background.. it was delicious, and not just for the free cleaning. I almost want to say that it made me feel powerful, but that’s not the right word and a little strong. Perhaps it would be better to say that it emphasized the power dynamic in a very obvious way. I felt on top, I felt in charge, I felt like a queen on her throne. Well, maybe not quite all that, but you get the idea.

It’s the fact that he was doing something he doesn’t like, but he was happy to do it because it was for me, because he wants to serve me, because he really is submissive to me.

The typical bdsm activities, the flogging, bondage, cbt etc, can feel like I’m performing a service. Don’t get me wrong, I very much enjoy those things, and I’m very happy that he gets off on the bondage and all ’cause otherwise he wouldn’t keep coming back would he? ..but there’s still that overtone, even if it’s just in my mind, that he’s only there to get his rocks off, and I’m just there to do it for him. As Bitchy might say, where is my orgasm in that?

Of course, there’s no orgasm in it for me to have him doing menial chores, but it’s a thing where it’s mostly just about me getting what *I* want, without having to actively pander to anyone else’s desires. Which feels good.

 

Pink might be my new favorite color..

Since MJ started her part-time job, Sunday has become play day. It is nice to have the house to myself one day of the week. And to be able to have boys come over and get naked for me.

Today was definitely the best interlude I’ve had with Derek. Even he said it seems like I’m getting more confident. It was also the first time he’s really needed after care. “Please hold me, I feel so vulnerable.” He curled up in my arms like a little child.

In several online conversations this week Derek had expressed interest in being hogtied and having his feet beaten, so that was what I started out with today. My knot-tying abilities aren’t top-notch by any means, but I thought the hogtie turned out pretty well. Just the right tightness too.

Hogties make me happy. There’s something so pleasing about the way it looks, and it’s such a quick and easy way to make someone almost completely immobile and helpless. And I love it when they’re really helpless.

I used the rubber stick on his feet, then decided that using it on other places would be a good idea. It left some beautiful marks. And today’s scene was all about leaving marks. My goal was for him to be able to look in the mirror at least two days from now and still have traces of me on his body.

This picture to the right is fast becoming my favorite. Something about the obvious helplessness of the bondage, the beautiful deep marks on that creamy expanse of skin… And I’m not generally a girly-pink kind of person, but I really like the look of the pink rope - it echoes the color of the welts rather nicely. There’s something lovely about that.

The rubber stick is always fun and it left some great welts, but they didn’t last very long… Not to mention it’s a little hard to get good hits in on someone who’s hogtied. So after a while, I moved him to a chair. Much better access….

I’m interested to see what his thighs will look like tomorrow. I beat them with several different implements with little visible effect aside from the usual pinkness, but when I started slapping him with my fingers, the blood came to the surface all in a rush. I have a feeling that’s going to turn all sorts of colors tomorrow.

Near the end, we did a little scene with the sjambok. He had to count, say thank you, and ask me for the next hit. Cliche can be be very fun sometimes.

I hit him hard with the sjambok. Very intense, for both of us. It is so amazing to really hit someone hard. Exhilarating. And to know that he’s taking that much pain for me..

This picture sadly does not do justice to the marks left by the sjambok. Some of those welts were beautifully raised, with blood blooming under the surface of one or two. The one where the tip caught his arm was particularly nasty. I’d like to leave marks like that one all over him… just a hair away from breaking the skin.

I intended to end the play session with the sjambok, but somehow standing behind him comforting him turned into my hands around his neck, which somehow led to my big scary knife pressed against his throat…

“It just was so hot with you behind me touching me knife running along my body choking me…”

Words that warm my heart. ^_^

 

can’t find the light switch

Derek came over yesterday. I tied him up a bit, hurt his bits a bit (pics will be posted tomorrow). It was fun. I think I feel better in a scene if I’m not dressed up at all or trying to play a part (kind of duh, eh?). Cargo shorts and a tank top, and I’ll tie you up in my sunny living room while the cat watches.

I laughed when he was in pain. I set a rule and he broke it. I should have punished him more harshly, that would have been a good time. It seemed like he was suffering a bit much already though, and sometimes I can’t believe that someone in that much pain is enjoying it.. I’ve never pushed him even very close to his limit though, I should keep that in mind….

He wanted to use the strap-on dildo gag, but the idea squicked me out a little. I like a bit of foreplay before someone fucks me, you know, and that just seemed like a weird thing to do with this guy. It’s a damn shame really, because I always wish I was getting some action (bitch about not getting it, more like) - here’s my opportunity and I don’t want to take it. Somebody’s offering me a gift I’ve been pining for, and I turn it down. Wtf, eh?

 

that feeling

Been thinking about Maymay’s post about blowjobs, and my comment on it. Also some threads on fetishlore… thinking about what makes me feel dominant. ‘Cause I definately don’t feel dominant most of the time. I desire it on an exceptionally regular basis, but actually feeling it? That rush up the spine that’s partly sexual, partly predatory, partly protective? Not terribly often.

Oh, but last night I did. And so unexpectedly. And briefly, but that’s beside the point really.

MJ was sitting at her desk, playing a game on her computer. I walked up next to her and stroked her soft hair. She turned and put her arms around me and nibbled on my belly the way she likes to do. Then she looked up at me with the most adorable, adoring look on her face.. Looking down at her like that, I felt… oh, so good. Hard to describe. Warm fuzzies and being on top. Delicious.