lesbian sex

It seems that MJ and I have had more sex in the past couple of months than in the whole rest of the year previous. Starting just after I wrote that post about how we’re not sexually compatible, heh.

It’s kind of funny how the tables have turned - used to be I was the one frustrated because she never wanted to get it on, now she’s the one who pouts about it if we don’t have sex regularly. At least we’re more on the same page than before. It’s still a bit imbalanced but not nearly as much as it used to be. We do have a bit of the lesbian sheep problem though - both of us want to be the one getting it and neither of us really wants to do the work.

2 lazy dykes = 1 rather routine sex life

It would help if she didn’t always want to fuck when I’m really tired. We need to have more days off together and have some hot mid-afternoon sex. Preferably involving MJ in a tiny skirt and thigh-highs, and me with the strap-on. Perhaps this week while I’m on vacation..

[and I just have to say.. I love how sensitive her nipples are now she's been on hormones.. The last time we had sex I made her come by fondling her breasts while she was on top of me (oh, how I love finding new buttons to push!). The expression on her face when I made her come like that was one of the hottest and most beautifully erotic things I've laid eyes on in a long time. ^_^]

 

a civil wrong.

Maryland is officially against gay marriage now. I read that article in the paper today, and did it ever get me riled up.

To summarize, basically a group of gay people filed a lawsuit to legalize gay marriage in MD. The Court of Appeals denied them, ruling that, “limiting marriage to a man and a woman does not discriminate against gay couples or deny them constitutional rights. Although the judges acknowledged that gay men and lesbians have been targets of discrimination, they said the prohibition on same-sex marriage promotes the state’s interest in heterosexual marriage as a means of having and protecting children.”

Marriage as a means of having children? Wha-huh? Funny, I thought things like sexual intercourse or artificial insemination were the “means” of having children. What the hell is the “state’s interest” in procreation anyway? If anything, they ought to be discouraging people from reproducing - or have the courts not yet heard of overpopulation? Just drive through Annapolis at lunchtime and it’s not hard to figure out that there are way too damn many people in this state already.

The whole thing is completely fucking ridiculous. According to their screwy logic, infertile people, old people, and people who don’t want kids should be legally banned from getting hitched too.

And then there’s always the guy who says, “Our argument is… to protect marriage.” Protect it from what?! And the bit in the ruling about protecting children - yeah, right. Seems to me that straight people aren’t doing so great with that stuff themselves, what with astronomical divorce rates, oodles of single parents abandoned by their partners, abusive spouses/parents… why and how could gay people make it any worse? Hello, a person being queer doesn’t keep them from being just as capable of love and commitment as anyone else. Which shouldn’t be relevant to the courts in any case. It’s a rights issue, not character analysis (which wouldn’t help the heterocentrics’ case anyway).

How are they defining “man and woman” anyway…

 

Even though a lot of things about the way I am are deliberate choices, I’m getting rather tired of being so much that’s unattractive.

 

black sheep

I’m tired of other people’s opinions having such a huge effect on the way we live our lives. I’d like to say I dont’ give a shit what anyone thinks, but that’s just unrealistic, ’cause who wants to live in a cave by themselves. If you have to interact with people, the way they see and judge you affects the way they treat you. I do think I’ve cultivated a bit of blindness to that, which has shielded me a bit. But still, sometimes it just sucks to be the black sheep.

Probably about 5 years ago, I babysat for some of my cousin’s in-laws (almost family, though it doesn’t sound like it - we’re included in all their family gatherings, and vice versa). I still had brown hair and still considered myself straight and Christian. I wore a denim skirt, an art nouveau style top, and a small, smooth, white collar with decorative metal rivets. I wasn’t wearing it as a kink thing, it was jewelry. Because it was the kind of pretty that I like, pretty that isn’t weak, that has a slight edge to it. And it looked nice with my outfit.

The mother of the children I watched noticed it and later, she laughingly told the rest of the family that I’d been wearing a dog collar. Apparently the grandmother found it very upsetting, and claimed that she didn’t want me babysitting her grandchildren anymore, didn’t want me alone with them.

She’s known me since I was 12.

These days, I don’t even want to know what they’re saying about me. If they got that worked up about a piece of jewelry, they must have a hard time not herding the kids out of the room whenever I come in, now that I have unnaturally colored hair and a girlfriend. Who doesn’t come to family gatherings anymore by the way, since my cousin asked us to refrain from being affectionate in front of the kids. Since my cousin’s husband got upset at Christmas when MJ sat on my lap.

But anyhoo. I wasn’t writing this to bitch about their intolerance. More to say that I feel like such an outsider sometimes, that even though I’ve chosen it, it does get tiring. Even with my closest friends, I’m the “freak.”

I don’t intend to complain about that. I deliberately choose to be “different,” to not hide who I am, to do things and be the way I want to be. I don’t want to be normal, I don’t want to be invisible anymore, I want to be what I want to be and fuck the rest of the world. Except… the rest of the world fucks me back sometimes.

 

little boxes

[all of this has basically been said by other people, and better than I did, but I guess I needed to spew it out anyway. Just to get it on record, or something, that gender baffles and infuriates me.]

Gender is such a weird thing - it’s an expectation that someone will or should be a certain way just because they have a particular configuration of flesh between their legs (never mind intersex people). It’s fucking ridiculous and damaging.

I mean, really, does that crap actually work for anyone? Male = this and female = that… We’re clinging to a ridiculous, non-functional, dualistic way of thinking just because… that’s the way it’s “always” been?

I guess most people fit into their prescribed boxes well enough that they don’t ever have to think about it. Because they don’t feel too uncomfortable, they don’t ever consider that the world could, and should, be different.. but I can’t help but think that even those people would find it easier to be comfortable and happy in themselves if we allowed for some diversity and stopped separating things into genders… Not to mention, of course, the people who aren’t at all comfortable being shoved into a role and set of expectations that doesn’t begin to fit who they are. I’m probably pretty lucky in that sense, luckier than Maymay, at least. The world is much more tolerant of “masculine” women than pretty boys. Especially if that woman is fat and/or sterotypically femininely unattractive to begin with.

Why does the world hate women so much, anyway? It’s always the characteristics that are supposedly female that are reviled. Women are second-class citizens, just because they’re not men. And it’s ok for anyone to want to be mannish, but when a guy embodies some supposed aspect of feminity, it’s so often considered a weakness, something to mock him for. (Bah, I’m almost certain that Helen said something about that in one of her books, and much better than me…)

What the hell is wrong with a guy wanting to be pretty? I wish more guys were like that. It’s certainly more pleasant to touch, and be around, a pretty boy than a supposedly manly one. And I get sweaty and dirty and grunty enough for everyone in the room, ha. Macho, arrogant men piss me off more than any other type of person. What’s not to love about a guy who’s sweet and soft and wants to be cherished? What’s not to love about a person whose body is a sensual pleasure? I dig women, but I don’t want my boy to be one - but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him to smell nice, feel nice, and be the antithesis of the caveman I’m supposed to want.