last night’s party

What a bummer.  Last night’s party turned out to be rather a waste of time and money.  The burlesque show was fun, but it lasted less than an hour, and then… nothing.  I think three couples used the bondage furniture, and three couples had sex in the not-very-voyeur-friendly swingers room.  None of the kink scenes was even remotely interesting to me (one spanking, one brief single-tailing, and one thigh-high-booted woman with a small middle-aged man on a cross).  And not a single person spoke to me all night.  I suppose I could have approached someone, but.. where?  The bar seats were full, and even in the other rooms, people were paired off or in groups talking amongst themselves. 

I was pleasantly surprised by the mix of people there, however.  Though that probably had a lot to do with the fact that it wasn’t a strictly kink event.  But there were a lot of people in regular clothes, and there was surprisingly little pro-dom inspired fetishwear. 

It’s always a quandary for me to figure out what to wear when I go out.  Masculine or feminine?  Dress up or dress down?  I want to meet people, especially people who would like to date or have some hot sex with me, and I want to look appealing to anyone who might lean that way.  People always say “just be yourself!” but… which aspect of myself?  ‘Cause I don’t know about you, but I’m not that simple.  There’s a reason I’m a queer poly switch - I like variety.  Hell, I am variety.  Usually I say “fuck it” and end up wearing something comfortable but trying to work the tomboy look, something not too masculine or too feminine. Last night’s cargo shorts, tank top, and button-down men’s shirt seems to have become something of a uniform for me. 

But anyway.  Being pleasantly surprised.. At play parties I’ve attended in the past, it always seemed skewed heavily toward white, hetero couples.  But even though there really weren’t very many people at last night’s party, there actually seemed to be a pretty fair mix of races and orientations - that alone makes me want to go back.  I wonder if that’s become typical of the local scene, or if last night’s event was just different. 

 

A full week.

Good stuff this week.  Here’s the semi-quick and dirty, since I really need to get off the computer and start my evening:

I quit my part-time job on Saturday.  It was very anticlimactic.  No tearful goodbyes after 6 years of employment, really no goodbyes of any kind.  The only person who knew it was my last day was the manager who makes the schedule.  it’s a little sad, and I’m feeling a little nervous about the fact that I won’t have that extra income anymore - it wasn’t a lot, but it put money in my wallet for things like lunches and snacks and reading material and gasoline.

Derek came over Tuesday night, for a nice low-pressure bondage-and-a-movie evening.  I’ve never done anything like that with anyone before.  It’s the kind of thing I’ve often thought about, but didn’t really think a play partner would want to do.  The best part is that I wasn’t the least bit stressed about it beforehand - usually I get anxious before playing, worrying about doing a good job, holding myself up to some vague standard of fabulous domhood or something.  Knowing that it’s on me to make sure we both have a good time, afraid that I’ll fail.

Yesterday was clay day.  The woman who used to be my boss, who I suppose I could now call a friend.. we’ll call her Rose here… anyhoo, she has a kiln and does ceramics, and she invited me over last week and yesterday to play with clay.  It’s going to be a weekly thing, which is so exciting.  I’ve done a fair bit of crafting, but very little actual art in the seven years since I graduated from college with my useless Fine Arts degree.  It felt so good to create like that, to use my hands to shape something from nothing.  I originally intended to make penis fountains, which I’ve been talking about doing for years, but ended up making goddesses instead.  I’m very excited about my three little ladies, even though they’re not quite done (and I need to fix a few things), so I have to show them off:

   

  

 

Tonight I’m going to try and hit up the Peep Show, since Artomatic is closing this weekend.  It’s already 6pm though and I haven’ t eaten or showered, so we’ll see how that goes.  Maybe I could go on Saturday instead…

Tomorrow night I’ll be at the local(ish) dungeon, for a burlesque show and play party.  It’ll be the first time I’ve been to that place in two years I think.  Then Saturday night is a women’s play party…  I’m trying not to be nervous.  Everyone keep your fingers crossed for me that I’ll be social and actually talk to people, and not stand in a corner looking painfully submissive by myself all night.

So..  Busy, busy!  And all good!  Xel even called me of his own volition last night, just to chat.  Now all I need is to get a decent night’s rest - self-discipline, where art thou?

 

Rope floggers!

I made floggers today!  This was my first real attempt at making my own toys, and I think they turned out rather well. 

Haven’t cut the tails on the white one yet though, I don’t really like how you can see the pink rope through the knots on the handle.  And of course, it means I don’t have a matched set of pink ropes anymore.  I might buy more white rope and redo the flogger.  And dye it.  ‘Cause, you know, I don’t have enough projects going on already…

 

The switch emerges.

[A quick post because I've been thinking about the subject.  After this I really do need to write about the rest of the weekend, because the vast majority of it actually did not involve a particular tall, sexy, slightly awkward geek.] 

Xel spanked me today, and it was fucking hot.  Thinking about it has got me feeling all tingly and swollen in places polite people don’t talk about. 

I almost always write in here from a dominant perspective, because generally, that’s the role I play in relationships.  I think my switchy side is coming out though, it certainly did today with Xel.  Which is especially weird because I have taken a very dominant role with him most of the time.  I really liked that little switch-around though.  Not as an always thing, but as an occassional spicy hotness, tease me and slap my pussy and smack my ass because the impact and the jiggle turn us both on. 

It’s even got me fantasizing about being tied down, thinking about those spanking benches in the dungeon and how delicious it would be bent over and exposed and helpless while he plays with me.  I like the idea of being free to just revel in the sensations without having to worry about what I’m doing.  Like gourmet food or fine wine, it’s so splendid that it’s almost a sin to do anything but just close your eyes and savor it.

 

A response to Under The Boot, about kink and arousal.

Since undertheboot is linking this post I wrote last August and now a bunch of people are reading it, I feel like I need to clarify some things about what I said there. 

I wrote the post in a certain frame of mind and under certain circumstances that have changed since then.

Some kinky things do turn me on.  Pushing a boy up against the wall and being rough with him.  Holding the knife to his throat, knowing and letting him know that I lust to cut him.  Imagining licking trails of blood left by my fingernails.  Seeing his dick swell when I hit him, knowing that he hates it even as it arouses him.  Closing my hand around his throat and feeling the thrill of having his life, or death, in my grasp.  Hearing his ragged breath and knowing how much it arouses him, and me, when my ass ripples as he spanks me.  Watching him bend so gracefully, with an attitude of such perfect devotion, over my feet as he kisses them.  Having the freedom to demand the things I want when we’re fucking.  Making him insane with desire and denying him release, seeing how much I can turn him on, how hot he gets for me.  Hearing him beg.  Seeing him cry when I hurt him.

Yeah, kinky shit can definitely get my bits lubricated.  It’s just unfortunate that the first six years of my experience with it didn’t include those aspects.  That’s the whole reason I dropped out of the scene for a while, and it’s one of the reasons I have ended up being so thrilled with Derek, and one of the things I’m excited about exploring with Xel.

 

These other entries I’ve written also touch on the subject in relevant ways: touch-a touch-a touch me ; business or pleasure? ; to drink life ; clip - where’s the passion?